Know Yourself - Daily Confidence 08
“... until you know yourself you can't properly relate to another person...” When I got divorced, I spent a LOT of time on getting to know myself. Sounds a little silly to write that but I honestly didn’t know who I was when I became “single”. I had defined my existence around another person and I honestly didn’t know what I actually liked to do. What made me tick? What did I NOT like to do? I spent time learning my core values and how to apply them to my life. I learned, slowly, to give myself permission to do the things that I really liked to do and not worry if anyone else would approve or understand. I am constantly in a state of awareness... or at least I try to be... so that I can see what triggers me. After much retrospective on my past marriage, I came to realize that I was a huge pain in the ass. Where I thought I was an amazing wife... I’m pretty sure I was just being a martyr. When I started dating Joe, we decided to do things differently. Going in blind and expecting to have all our needs met is ridiculous. We do that when we are young. We ignore all the things that drive us nuts because you’re in love. But that euphoria doesn’t last and that clinginess you had in the beginning fades away. I believe that every relationship needs a balance of independence and togetherness. I had too much independence in my marriage and ended up feeling lonely and ignored. Joe had the opposite and felt guilty when he wanted to do something on his own. When we became a couple we decided that we were not going to make assumptions about each other and be transparent about everything. We agreed that it is important do be able to do whatever you want without guilt. And we agreed that carving out time each week to connect was just as important. We’ve stuck to these rules for 5 years now. One of the things I love about us is that we are both committed to working on our selves. We practice awareness and we talk to each other about why we disagree on something. We are passionate about understanding each other’s triggers and personality and respecting that we think differently. A younger me would have found this annoying but the current me embraces the balance. We’re not perfect and we don’t expect each other to be perfect. We have our personal highs and lows. When we’re low we give each other space and don’t make any assumptions. It’s just what it is at that moment. I want to share with you a talk by Alain de Botton. It is very entertaining and really interesting. It’s a talk he gives called Why We Marry The Wrong Person. Talk to you tomorrow! *HUGS* Jen Thoden PS. Sharing is giving which is just good karma. Share this post so that others can benefit from this positive message. Thanks in advance :-) Do you like this content? Enter your name and email below to receive Daily Confidence in your email. Give yourself a positive boost every morning!
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