I will not pretend that I have the secret to a happy marriage or relationship. I divorced my husband of 16 years… so, I know what didn’t work for me.
I’m still working through how to not repeat the same patterns with Joe (my amazing husband and partner in life).
It’s a process and we are not perfect. However, this relationship is already more solid than my previous marriage.
I’d like to share with you a few rules that we live by… and please share your tips in the comments below!
- We talk about everything. I admit, I don’t always want to talk about what he wants to talk about, but he always gives me a platform to speak. So, I do the same for him. Sometimes, we talk about things that are bugging us and although the conversation isn’t exactly positive, we are still stronger for not hiding behind forced smiles and “I’m fine”.
- We have a dedicated date night. Without fail. Non-negotiable. These are not romantic outings. 95% of the time, we just hang out. Talk. Cuddle. Watch TV. Read. Seriously, it keeps us connected during a very busy life of jobs, business, and teenagers.
- We don’t expect perfection. As a young wife of 23, I truly thought I could change my husband into a version that I felt was better for me. The things that annoyed me up front, I thought I could change. Things he didn’t do, that I wanted him to do, I thought I could get him to do. I expected a “perfect” marriage. But guess what? There is absolutely no such thing AND I am not perfect. Why in the world do I think I have the right to change another person when I have so much to improve on myself? Be ok with the relationship and person being perfectly imperfect.
- Assume best intentions. Just because he’s home late doesn’t mean he didn’t want to be home earlier to help with dinner. Just because he’s tired and feels like just reading on the couch, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or desire me. Oh yeah… I really did need to get my head straight on that one.
- Create a vision together. Joe and I talk and ideate what we want our life to look like in 2 years, 5 years and on. I feel this is the one thing couples lose sight of or never do. It’s so easy to move through life and then one day you wake up and wonder… what’s it all for? For us, we have an ideal location in mind and a lifestyle we want. So, all that we do in our lives is aimed at our vision.
I recently read this article about the seven most powerful secrets from research on how to have a happy marriage. Read more here.
Talk to you tomorrow!
PS. Sharing is giving which is just good karma. Share this post so that others can benefit from this positive message. Thanks in advance 🙂
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