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Why It’s Possible To Hate My 13 Year Old

Yesterday was an EXTREMELY frustrating day… with my 13 year old daughter, Mindy.

Now, the very fact that she’s my 13 year old daughter should be explanation enough as to why I wanted to drive my car into a ditch, just so that I had an excuse to get out of the car.

We (family of 5) are going on a kick ass Caribbean cruise this Saturday. We can’t wait! 7 days of fun! Well… as much fun as my teens will allow… which should still be plenty!

Apparently… according to Joe… the restaurants frown upon shorts and jeans for dinner. Great. I have PLENTY of super cute dresses I’ve been dying to have an excuse to wear! I’ll put my cruise packing list in another post. 🙂

Mindy (ton-boy) and Matthew… do not have anything “nice” to wear for dinners. Matt (15) was easy. It went like this…

Me: “Matt, you need to wear pants to dinner. Let’s go get you a pair.”

Matt: “K”

Mindy, on the other hand… oh man… well… she’s inspired this post!

The only thing she has in her closet is too short shorts and t-shirts. No dresses or skirts… or nice pants.

Last week… which I didn’t even post about… because I’m trying to block out the event… was just as maddening as yesterday…

Last week, I took the kids to American Eagle first… which I love by the way… where she proceeded to pick out clothes for school… NOT a dress or skirt for dinners. School clothes consist of skinny jeans and graphic tees. Not appropriate.

Matt quickly picked out pants, 2 pairs of jeans, 3 nice shirts and was even willing to wear a collared shirt. Done.

Mindy… I got her the outfit she picked out… but we still don’t have anything for the cruise. It’s been over an hour at this point.

I then took Mindy to Kohls… another great place! I think we tried every teen dress there was… all not appropriate for her body-type. But she wouldn’t listen to me. May I just add in here that I’m a professional stylist. If she’d let me… she would have a killer outfit or 2 for the cruise.

After 2 hours, Joe came to check on us. He wisely suggested that I TELL Mindy that she needs to try on my suggestions. So, because Joe said it… Mindy said OK.

And guess what! She actually liked what I put on her. It was a printed strapless summer dress with a jean jacket. Done… after 6 hours. You read that right. 6 hours!!! For one stupid dress.

But were we REALLY done?

Of course not. We still need sandals to wear with the dress. Because all that Mindy has are sneakers.

So, over the course of this past week, Mindy discovered that we have dinner every night at the cruise… and she only has the ONE dress to wear. Matthew also became aware that he only has ONE pair of pants for 7 nights of dinners.

Let me just say… that I told them that they needed at least 2 outfits for dinners. Matt… resistant to anything not denim… only wanted the one pair of pants. NOW… he’s like… maybe I need another pair. Mindy went into panic mode. One outfit will not do!

Ok fine… we have to go out to get sandals anyway… let’s look around for another outfit. Matt volunteered to come along… I have no idea why because he declared during the shopping trip that he didn’t want another pair of pants. Whatever!

Since Joe and I needed more Nespresso… we chose Tysons Corner mall. Off we went after lunch. And this is important… AFTER lunch. As in… kids, we’re leaving AFTER lunch.

We get to the mall, and both kids… “I’m hungry.” Are you kidding me? Seriously? In protest, they decided they were fine and go hungry. OMG. I’m gonna kill them.

So… in an effort to lift the mood… I take them to Starbucks. Yep. Mother-of-the-year decided to reward them for not eating lunch with frappachinos.  Judge me if you must.

But as you can see… SOMEONE was still not in a very good mood…

Why It's Possible To Hate My 13 Year Old

Hey, Mindy! Let’s do a selfie! NOT.

Why It's Possible To Hate My 13 Year Old

Does anyone care that I’m at the mall for THEM. Sure as heck not for me.

So, we went through several stores. To Mindy’s credit… she DID try on everything I suggested. But nothing looked good. Well… ONE dress from Gap looked crazy cute but she hated it. Sigh.

We left the mall after 4 hours… defeated.

Me = FRUSTRATED
Matt = Indifferent
Mindy = DONE
Joe = Amused

In the car on the way home… she started in on that she wants to shop for school clothes and that she really doesn’t need a second outfit for the cruise. At that moment… well I don’t remember because I think I blacked out. I was so DONE with her!!

When I explained that I would be happy to shop for school clothes AFTER we make sure we have everything we need for our trip. She mumbles “I know. That’s what I meant.”

Needless to say… we did NOT get sandals.

And yet… after we all cooled down… we decided to play a game of Rummikub. Which we all enjoy. And as you can see in the photo of the blog post… I STILL got the look of disdain.

Sure. I deserve that. I mean… I took her shopping for HOURS and offered my right arm at one point just to keep her happy.

Today is a new day. And guess what we get to do today! We’re hitting DSW for shoes. I LOVE me some shoes. In fact… check out my Chucks that I wore for yesterday’s shopping excursion…

jen-chucks

… and apparently my son decided to throw his shoe into the pic.

I love my daughter. Not because I have to… which I’m sure has something to do with it… but because she’s an unbelievably strong and beautiful young woman. She knows what she likes and wants… and God forbid you suggest anything else.

She’s just like me. 🙂

See… my frustration has NOTHING to do with Mindy. Mindy is who she is. Nothing I say or do will change that. She’s 13. Just because I’m frustrated with her doesn’t mean she’s doing anything wrong. My frustration is MY problem. She happens to trigger me more than anyone else. I’m pretty sure this is because she’s a reflection of me. Maybe a mirror of some of the qualities that I don’t really like about myself.

And when I get triggered by her… I immediately want to “fix” the situation. Shove dresses down her throat. Try to make her laugh. Which ends up in me being exhausted and slightly hating my daughter. But… the truth is… she didn’t bother anyone else on our shopping trip. Just me. And that right there is enlightening don’t you think?

Awareness is the first step in not wanting to kill my daughter. My frustration is my problem… and I need to be aware when it happens… state the facts… get present… and enjoy the moment. Trying to force a result just leads to friction and pain. And no one is having fun.

And really… what’s the point of doing stuff together if you’re not going to have fun in the process. If it’s all friction and aggravation… then it’s lost time that you can’t get back.

So… to all Mom’s of teen girls out there… I know you secretly hate your daughter at times… try to remember that even THAT emotion comes in love. Our passion for our daughters is fierce. And someday they will experience what we are going through… and we can just sit back and laugh… and laugh. And then we’ll probably try and help. Because that’s what we do.

Wish me luck on my shoe shopping trip today!

Jen

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